Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I am mystified as to why it would be considered apt that a brand of condoms be named after a people that was hoodwinked into allowing an enormous horse into their sacred citadel (insert your favourite Catherine the Great joke here!). Perhaps it was a classics major who headed the marketing meeting that day, looking for a hearty snigger. We're a pack of cheeky bastards.

Note: Representatives of Trojan Condoms, see comment box! Marketing genuises patronize my blog!

posted at 2:07:57 pm

October 10, 2005   09:42 PM PDT
Hi, my wife and I were spamming your blog, and thought that we would make a half-assed attempt to recruit you for our pyramid scheme.
We sell a product of some sort, you don't need to bother your pretty little head over what, but let's just say that it makes humans into our slaves. That is to say, we make coffee. Yes, coffee, that's it.
Here's some made up statistics that make us sound fantastic:
We are four year old subsidiary of "World Domination Inc" known as "Flimsy Front LLC."
-1 year sales exceeded the selling power of 10m monkeys
-2 year sales exceeded the expectations of my mother, who was predicting that we would fail in year 1.
-3 year sales exceeded good taste
-4 year sales basically proved that you idiots will buy anything
-offers a seemless exploitation plan
-100% profit free
-global domination in 32+ small African nations and growing!
For info, visit us at our pretend website!
Take Care Tim and His Ficticious Wife Who Makes Me Seem Less Like a Con Artist
October 9, 2005   10:14 PM PDT
Hi the wife and I enjoyed your blog. Were looking for a few good people To help expand our business in Asia. Here is some information. If this interests you let us know by email. We are Erica and Tony Dube.
We have a business offer, if you would like to check out our information. The company is Lexxus International, based out of Dallas Texas. We have all natural wellness and beauty products, plus we`ve just launched a new product, a one cup at a time coffee machine, that makes tea, coffee, espresso, cappuccino, and latté. Each cup is fresh, and can be made in less than 60 secs.
We are a four-year old subsidiary of a 15-year old publicly traded company, Natural Health Trends Corporation [BHIP]
-1-year sales exceeded $20M [US]
-2-year sales exceeded $39M [US]
-3-year sales exceeded $62M [US]
-4-year sales exceeded $136M [US]
-offers a seamless compensation plan
-is 100% debt-free
-global distribution in32+ countries and growing!
For info http;//ericasiscodube.lexxusvision.com
Take Care Erica and Tony
October 6, 2005   03:09 PM PDT
Trojan brand condoms: "If your girlfriend's name is Troy, you're getting in."

Or, the more sexually ambiguous:
"You can't breach Troy without a Trojan!"
October 5, 2005   07:04 PM PDT
Aimed at guys:

Trojan Brand Condoms: You'll Never Breach Her Walls Without Them.

Great Wall Condoms: Protects her, while keeping you rock hard and big enough to be visible from space!
October 5, 2005   10:59 AM PDT
Oh man. "Great Wall Condoms" "If it can keep out the huns, surely it can protect your eggs!"
October 5, 2005   06:43 AM PDT
The Vatican should push for all condom brands to adopt a similar slogan.
October 5, 2005   01:11 AM PDT
The metaphor is actually rather frightening.

You get a guy who offers you gifts, so you let him inside your walls, and then all of a sudden, whoa, you've got a massive swarm of his little soldiers running around inside of your guarded areas.

"Trojan Brand Condoms: Offering You the Illusion of Protection"

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Glo'ri'a'na, noun:
1. An alternative form of "Gloria."
2. As "Americana" defines itself as artefacts of American culture, "Gloriana" consists of the artefacts of my culture.


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