Monday, October 19, 2009

I have an impersonator! How thrilling.

posted at 7:01:53 pm

Monday, September 14, 2009

If your biggest beef with feminism is that that men, unlike women, can't go from professional career woman to "sexy seductress at night" -- notwithstanding the fact that businessmen don't *need* that to make that transition -- and you genuinely believe that sharing this with millions of internet-goers will not reflect poorly on you ... dude, sit down, and realize you have problems. (Bigger problems that not being able to "feel sexy and show off your body" in spandex pants.)


posted at 10:54:19 am
2 commentations.

Monday, July 27, 2009

This past Easter, I accompanied Wesley to the Ontario Science Centre (we could say that I took him, but we all know that he really took me). We wandered down to the lowest level to the building, where some of the older exhibits had been stored. Some of them had the orange and brown panelling that betrayed a heritage older than my own.

Their age didn't mean, however, that they were any less fun. One bank of consoles, looking like relics from the mid-90s, tested your reaction time; you sat in front of a steering wheel and you watched the computer accelerate until a STOP sign flashed, and you hit the brake (which you weren't supposed to hover above with your foot ... but I don't think that stopped many people). A line of LEDs showed how you did; if you stayed in the first few green lights, you were excellent; if you strayed into yellow, average; red, deadly.

Lots of people stopped by to try it, and grown-up, even more than kids, were engrossed in getting the best time they could. It was interesting to see how people could driven to new degrees of competition against themselves, egged on only by a machine.

One of my favourite moments during this visit was the sight of an enormous Ultra-Orthodox family walking through. The patriarch of the clan sat himself in front of one of those driving consoles, and proceeded to spend several moments staring at the lights and every so often, banging down on the brake with his polished shoe. His sombre suit and formal hat, which had separated him from many of the other visitors, seemed to be heightened as he set himself to a simple challenge.

A little girl, presumably one of his own, sat on his knee, held in place with the crook of his arm. As her father played Red Light/Green Light with the determination of a much younger man, even a boy, she spent her time alternatively fiddling with her curls and examining her fingers with a thoroughness that could only be described as scientific.

posted at 1:40:50 pm

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Something to remember: I have written an academic paper not only on sex, on girls, or on rock 'n roll, but rock 'n roll about sex with girls in cars.

posted at 10:44:47 pm
4 commentations.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Since Sunday, there have been hundreds to thousands of demonstrators gathered each day outside the office where I work. While it doesn't happen all the time, we do get a disproportionate number of rallies and protests, as a government agency and probably more relevantly, as a neighbour to the American Consulate-General.

This occasion has been special because of the rally's massive size -- enough to close a major downtown artery  -- and longevity, with people actually camping out on the road overnight. This has meant a serious police presence, with dozens if not a almost a hundred officers, including riot personnel.

For the last week, they have been swarming our lobby, standing around idly and looking bored, chowing down pizza, or downing an obscene amount of chocolate milk, and generally causing my co-workers ladies to swoon with lusty passion. (I told Lee, "Nothing like a man in riot gear to start a riot ... in a lady's pants!" He told me I needed to die.)

There was also the donuts-and-coffee stereotype; as I left the lobby deli, two officers were coming towards me. Eyes lighting up, one rushed forward happily, saying, "Oooh, a Druxy's!"

Then, out on the street, Torontonians were treated to the rare sight of the riot horse. (If you're wondering, a riot horse is equipped with special blinders and, amusingly, special horse knee pads.)

Their presence has been somewhat intimidating; it's not every day you see the police decked out in armour and helmets and toting shields, and it's very weird to have the eyes of riot officers on you as you leave for a coffee break.

Finally, walking out into the lobby at the end of the workday yesterday, I noticed an officer who had apparently nodded off in a chair (a monstrous thing that has Modernist pretensions but is covered in orange vinyl). He was quite still, but seated perfectly upright with his eyes closed. In his lap was a tear-gas launcher. It was ridiculously sized -- like a Thompson gun overdosed on 'roids and a little bit Doom-esque.

As I was gawking, his eyes flicked open and he was staring right at me staring at him.

Uh oh. I streaked out.

posted at 11:10:23 am
1 commentation.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Good news, bad taste:

[13:58] G.: i think it's sad when an article on crime has to specify that a class of sexual assault is "non-family"
[13:59] Halcyon: there's sexual assualt that is for all the family?
[13:59] G.: "Non-family sexual assaults dropped to 12 from 14. Family assaults dropped to 26 from 35. There were 64 non-family assaults, which is one less than March 2008."
[14:00] Halcyon: ahh
[14:00] G.: the fact they have to keep track of "family" sexual assaults is just so depressing
[14:00] Halcyon: what shall i do today?
[14:00] Halcyon: "rape my daughter!"
[14:01] G.: today is a good day
[14:01] Halcyon: best fathers day ever
[14:02] G.: -_-

posted at 2:07:53 pm
1 commentation.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I still wish somebody would post a missed connection looking for me.

posted at 4:22:13 pm
2 commentations.

Monday, March 30, 2009

This is a real-life, word-for-word assessment someone made of a Japanese restaurant, not only ascertaining whether it was racially authentic enough for him to patronize again but freely sharing it with complete strangers in the apparent belief that he had absolutely nothing to be ashamed about:

- menu is too anglicised... "chicken don", "yellow tail roll" among other things
- the Japanese waiter had a lengthy casual conversation with one of the sushi chefs in English...hmm
- the 2 sushi chefs have hardly any Japanese mannerism, and they don't look like Japanese. My Japanese is not good enough to tell if the 2 Japanese phrases uttered by the other sushi chefs are accent-free
- they are extra friendly and patronising with the guests like you're in a Chinese restaurant
- no native Japanese customers I ran into
- their "beef don", the way they do it, is not something you can find anywhere in Japan
- And finally, they serve butter fish/so-called "white tuna"/oil fish/escolar as sushi or sashimi

I loathe this city and its racist, xenophobic sushi fanatics.

posted at 2:53:51 pm
4 commentations.

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Glo'ri'a'na, noun:
1. An alternative form of "Gloria."
2. As "Americana" defines itself as artefacts of American culture, "Gloriana" consists of the artefacts of my culture.


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